Parenthood hopes

So, I've got to say, that I'm a little bit proud of how this time around of parenting is going. Not that I didn't think I did a good job with Blake, but I was a first time mom who didn't really know what I wanted. Well, as far as parenting styles go. This time I am so much more educated. Not that I was uneducated before, but I just hadn't even given any thought to certain aspects and just went with what most of society in America did. I had no idea what I was missing out on. But then there were some things that I wanted that didn't work out, and I was so devastated by that. I think this birth experience was therapeutic.



I've always wanted a natural, unmedicated birth. With Blake, I had complications on top of complications, and that unfortunately didn't happen. The birth I had with him wasn't what I was picturing in my head. So far off from it actually, that I was a little ashamed to talk about it. I was young then and afraid of putting up a fight with the hospital staff, and let them bully me into the epidural that I knew I didn't want. I had been induced with him for medical reasons. The only thing I was really able to retain was staying away from the c-section they initially wanted to give me. I begged them to let me try to deliver vaginally, and they reluctantly agreed, but said we'll more than likely have to resort to one anyway. Well, we showed them. After having him, I saw him for maybe two minutes before they whisked him away for hours and hours and hours. I had such a horrible experience in the hospital, I vowed to never birth at one again if I can help it.

Although this time around I had wanted to have a water birth and that didn't happen, I don't feel ashamed to talk about it. I still had Sophia naturally. In fact, the story of what actually happened is so insanely cool it's kind of cooler to talk about than what I was planning to happen. I would of course never plan for an unassisted birth at home (well, I would love a home birth again, but not unassisted!), but it was so empowering to experience. It does kind of drive me a little crazy when Nate goes around telling people he "delivered" her (um, if I remember correctly I was having all the contractions and pushing the baby out and instructing you him to CATCH her when he asked what he should do), but I guess I'll let him live out his bit of glory. Hopefully people understand that I did pretty much all of the work. I'm thankful that he was there, don't get me wrong, but the way he tells it, I was helplessly laboring and he came in and saved the day. I labored alone in the bathroom (by choice, he kept checking on me, but I kind of wanted to cope alone), which was the hardest part. Pushing felt like heaven, because I could DO something about all the pain to get some relief. I never experienced the "ring of fire." Anyway, back to what I was initially talking about, I still birthed naturally, just how we were intended to bring people into this world, and never had her taken away. We were able to have tons of bonding time, and I never had that lost feeling like I did with Blake while they had him.

Also, breast feeding. While me and Sophia are still working out some kinks and have had plenty of obstacles, we've been able to press on with it. I'm SO happy that we've worked through this! I wanted to breast feed Blake so bad, and I was so depressed when it didn't work out. I felt like even more of a failure as a mom with every bottle of formula I gave him. Don't get me wrong, there is a time and a place for formula, and he definitely fit the bill with all his problems. But I still think breastmilk is absolutely the best thing you could give your baby. I feel like so many mom's these days "try" and then give up much too quickly. Or many mom's have breast feeding so easy and then just quit because baby "ate too much." I hate that excuse. I mean, to each their own, but they don't know how easy they have it. I tried and failed for three long months with Blake, and only gave up when all of my milk dried up. Sophia and I have overcome the nipple shield, I've had two cases of mastitis, she has a bit of nipple confusion, and just had her posterior tongue tie clipped. Now we're trying to train her to suck correctly. She's transferring milk just fine, but am I ever sore. Still. At 10 weeks. But even if I end up being sore for the whole two years I plan to breast feed, I'm still going to keep at it, because I love it more than giving her a bottle of anything. I still enjoy it immensely, it's such an incredible bond, and I can't wait for the days when nursing is painless.

I'm so glad to find someone to agree with me on not vaccinating too. I kind of had medical professionals bully me into FINALLY vaxing Blake, even though I was uncomfortable with it. Nate is soooo on board with not doing it, and I'm so thankful.

And then cloth diapering. Sophia has never been in a completely disposable diaper. When she was brand new with meconium, we had some biodegradable inserts we put in her gDiapers, but once she stopped with that, I switched to cloth inserts. I still have some disposable inserts left, but I haven't used them since I love cloth so much. I knew I loved cloth with Blake, but I was working those days and it was hard to keep up with doing 100% of the time. Plus my mom usually wouldn't use the cloth when she watched him, so he would only be in cloth when I was home.

So this time I've had the natural birth, I'm breastfeeding, not vaccinating, and cloth diapering. Sounds crunchy, but I've wanted to be a "crunchy" mom since Blake. We're working on eating cleaner and such right now, but it's definitely a work in progress. We'll get there though! I'm just proud of myself for finally being able to become the mom I've dreamed of. Sounds corny, but I am! When I think of what I wanted to do, I realize I'm doing it. :)