Monday, February 7, 2011

Stretched much too thin

It feels like I haven't blogged in ages. And then I realized, it's because I haven't. Life has just been so hectic and stressful and fast paced lately...I just want a vacation where the most stressful thing I have to worry about is blogging. I'm just ready for a break. Not to complain, but I need somewhere to vent, right? Where to begin though. Well first, I finally moved. One of my best friends, Amber, and her boyfriend, Mark, bought a house together and they needed a roommate to help out on payments, so that's where I come in. Love the new place, just wish I could spend more time at it. Feels like I always have something going on that pulls me out of it (don't think too glamorous, it's normally work). I'm still working on moving all my stuff over here (most of it is here though, finally). So any free time I have during decent hours goes towards moving stuff over here and moving things to my storage unit. Thank god I have that thing. And then when I'm not doing that, I'm at work. I work between seven and eight shifts a week...and still don't make much money. Especially since I get benefits now, so that pretty much drains my paycheck. But it is nice to finally have insurance. If I'm not working, I'm more than likely dancing or baby sitting. Don't get me wrong, I love the little girl I baby sit, but I dread Fridays. Right now that's the only day I'm baby sitting, but I do it from 7:15 until 9, and then I got work a double at work. It just makes for a super long day.

As if that's not enough already, I have more. Had to do taxes (yay done), need to apply for the dental assisting program (which keeps coming up with an error, so need to ask the school about that one), need to file my final claim, need to file my FAFSA, trying to apply for a better paying job I've heard about, and just other random paper work. I need to win (play) the lotto, for real.

Baby boy's ashes came today, but I was at work and missed it. :( So I have to wait until tomorrow to get them. I don't know why it matters so much; I mean, it's not like it would change anything once I got them. I've waited eight months, what's one more day? I guess I just have in my head that if I had the ashes, then he would be more with me, and I couldn't possibly want anything more than that. I just hate the thought of any part of him spending any part of the night (or day) in any place other than right here with me. I just miss him more than I can stand, and it's hard going through everyday life, pretending everything is okay. And the worst thing is, there isn't anyway to make this part of me better; it's forever broken.

Did I mention that I can't wait to have another baby? A lot of my friends are having new babies right now, or are pregnant, and I want to be in that position so bad. I know I should wait, for at least maybe to be in a steady relationship, and to not work in a restaurant (hello dental assisting). And I more than likely will wait for all of those things to happen, I just wish they were right now.

Speaking of relationships, I'm talking (nothing really serious yet, don't get too excited) to this amazing guy...I'm not even kidding. He's beautiful, inside and out. Beautiful face, beautiful body, and super sweet and caring and just has his life totally together. I have no clue what in the world he sees in me, but I'm glad he does. :) Maybe this will continue on to be something good!

Other than that, I think that's all. Just worn out, that's for sure. But hoping maybe things will slow down or something really soon.

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