Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Thinking my all time low has passed

Things have definitely seemed to be looking up. As much as they can be anyway. My bad luck I've been having seems to be fading somewhat.

Example A: I've been extremely productive lately. I've been super keeping up with laundry and cleaning and just feeling all around less lazy. A very good thing, since after Blake passed I just didn't feel like doing anything chore-wise, and just sort of fell into a slump. I did that periodically as it was, but after he passed it was bad. Maybe because I didn't want to move his stuff. I did, and it was hard to not cry in the process. But it is nice to see my floor again. I've still been holding onto his pacifiers and everything though. I'm not sure why it's so hard to part with those, but it is. I don't want to throw his things away, even small things like that, not yet anyway. Too soon I guess. Anyway, I also haven't been biting my nails lately. I've been dealing with that bad habit ever since I could remember, and though I stop sometimes, something will happen that stresses me out and I start up again (like the passing of my son possibly?).

Example B: I think I'll probably end up moving out soon. :) Unfortunately, Celise isn't able to, and that makes me sad. :( But I have another friend who I think is willing to, and she'll be able to most likely next month, which is when I was wanting to as well. :) I'm so excited to do the whole moving out thing, I think even more than I was the first time. Probably because I know for a fact that I will have help in paying for it (split rent and utilities), I'll have MORE than one room, and it's not as new this time around. It's not that home life is bad at ALL, it's just an issue of space. It's a small house, and I have a lot of stuff. I feel like such a free loader and that I'm cluttering the house with my stuff. Probably because I am. :P

Example C: I don't feel like I can write this blog about how much happier I've been lately and all the ups in my life without at least mentioning Adam. I must admit, I think he would be a big reason of why I've been smiling lately. He's just really sweet to me...well kind of. Well, actually no, he just rags on me all the time. :) I'm just kidding. Well, I mean he does pick on me always, but always in good fun (can't say I don't do the same to him), and he is sweet to me often. It's nice to find someone who seems to be as into me as I am to him. I think we have fun together, and so far, so good.

In other news, Mom's about to teach me to knit. :) I'm really excited! There are so many knitted things that I want to make, but I don't know how! On top of being productive lately, I've been feeling crafty too. I've been itching to make some more diapers, since I need to anyway, but I need to buy more of the backing flannel, since I only got the flashy outside material in bulk. Didn't really think about the other side...oops. I think I might want to start up a photography business on the side. I have a decent camera, and I don't think my photo taking abilities are that bad, so maybe. :) I'm going to use my friend's brand new baby (Ms. Eliana) as a guinea pig, with mommy's permission of course. I'm excited to see how that goes! Might be the make it or break it point for that idea. It'd be a nice second job.

School-wise, I finally got the letter saying I was approved for graduation with my associates of the arts degree in general education. :) Woo! Not that I was too worried about it. I think I might just go back to that school to get a degree in Office Administration with an emphasis in the medical office. Fancy wording for secretary in the medical office. But that's all I really want to do anyway. I don't really want to be a big career woman; I'm much more interested in just eventually getting married, having kids, cooking, and cleaning. I know people in the past fought for women to not be stuck in that sort of lifestyle, but all the same that's just what I want. Now I just need to find a guy who wants that for me too! Ha.

Well, I think for now that may be it. I still think of Blake everyday, and I don't want that to ever change. I've been missing him a lot lately, but when don't I? I just love him so much. ♥


Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you. I love you so much and hope things continue to go well for you!!!!

sheila riannon said...

Thanks! I love you too! <3