Friday, September 30, 2011
So I know that it's been a while, but I just thought that this deserves some blog-worthy attention. As many of you know, I take dance class. Well tuesday we started learning this new dance. It's absolutely beautiful and deep and meaningful...and about a mother losing her baby. The song is Held by Natalie Grant. As soon as I started to listen to the lyrics I had to actively work to fight back tears. I thought today (Thursday) (technically yesterday) would be easier, since I had some time to prepare myself. And it was, that is until my instructor started talking about the meaning of the song to him and how sometimes things happen to your child that are out of your control and you just have to let them go and fight it on their own. I was luckily able to fight back everything until after class when I got into my car. Then I kind of lost it a little. He kept telling us to tell our own story. He knows my story, vaguely. I'm not sure if he was meaning me or not, but I don't want to tell my own story; it doesn't have a happy ending. I so want to do this piece passionately, since it hits so close to home, but I'm not sure if I'll find the strength to do so without breaking down. Nothing in this world makes me break down like thinking about the moments where he slipped through my fingers, and it's not that fun trying to fight back tears everytime I go to class. I wish I was stronger; you would think that I would be past this by now, wouldn't I? It's been over a year, and for the most part I'm okay, but this song just brings up so much raw emotion, I'm not sure how to cope. I'm just hoping it gets easier in time, like most everything else does.